I Wrote a poem for you.

I often wonder, do you think of me? How have things been for you? Are you seeing anyone lately? If so, hows it going? Do you miss anything about home? And if so, what? I'm asking you these questions but I may never know the answers. Are you having fun in your new enviroment? Like your classes? What do you miss the most about high school? Any memories running through your mind that involve me? Why do you still write me? Are you just trying to mess with my head? Or is it that you just want to remain in the back of my head? Did I ever hurt you? And if so, how? Can you talk to me, without being near? Can you see me, without my seeing you? Can you tell me the truth and not hurt me? Why are these things so hard to do? I don't like wondering. It's bad for my health. It fucks with my head, and gets me upset. I become low and drift away from whats important. Don't have me waiting and then pop-up like everything is back to normal.

What should I do? Tell me what I should do. Tell me that you'll never speak to me again or that I won't ever have to see you. Funny? I thought so myself. Because everything is on me, whether I want to see you or not. I don't like this. These thoughts pushed far, all the way in the back of my head popping up when it wants to. Not cool with me.

So do you think of me, like I think of you? Why haven't you reached out in other ways? I swear you hate me. But its okay, I don't dislike you at all. I just don't get you, like how are you keeping yourself that busy and away from those thoughts in the back of your mind. Teach me how so I can too. Will I ever see you again? I don't know if I want to. I understand it's all about taking risk but you were a risk that I never wanted to take. I think you have too much baggage and a little too much poise for me. I'm so tired of the way I feel when I think of you. How could I have let someone like you make me feel so confused about myself. Why didn't you shake me by the head and tell me not to run? Why did I keep running from you? What can you possible have that'll make me come back and forth over and over again? When are you going to quit? When will I leave you alone? When will we meet again?

I hope I never see you agaiin. I hope I can stop myself this time. I don't want you near because you take my emotions and twist them around into one big ball fill with emptiness and confusion. Did you ever tell anyone about us? How did I make you feel? Why didn't I ever trust you and why did I waste my time? Why did I hear you call my name but see no one when I turned around? If God didn't make this in my plan, then why the hell were you around for so long?


When will I stop wondering?